dear kristopher,

thank you for being there for me through the good and bad. now that we have started this new chapter in our lives, i can honestly tell you that you're an amazing father with even just the short time that we've been parents. you always put our son first no matter how tired you are and you did an amazing job at the hospital being my support and rock. on top of that the sleepless nights so far with more to come you've been nothing but amazing. i love how he looks so much like you even though my pregnancy and labor was hellish - he could at least look more like me just for renting my uterus haha. i don't tell you enough how much i love you and i know i'm not as affectionate as you are, but know that i love you more than words can describe. seeing you with our son melts my heart and i can't wait to watch him grow and watch us grow as parents and as a family. keep up the good work honey, i love you.

nicholas made his debut early on may 24 at 1:29pm. i've been talking about wanting to pop nicholas out any day and how i was ready to have him already but when it came down to it, i was panicked and wasn't so sure if i was ready to have him out right then and there. i had just went to bed at 4am monday morning and not even an hour later just shy of 5am my water broke and it took me a while to realize that my water broke. i actually stood there dripping for a few minutes trying to comprehend what just happened and trying to wake up. by the time i came to, i was almost frantic. my water broke and i wasn't having any contractions so i was given cervidil to help efface me and it took 12 hours to bring me to 50%.

this was before the pitocin


kristopher trying to get comfy during the long wait

by the time 10pm rolled around, i was given pitocin and out of the 20 levels i was given i only made it to level 7 before i couldn't sleep through my contractions anymore and despite my option for an epidural i tried to hold off but by the time i got to level 10, i could barely sleep through my contractions. and to be honest, running on no sleep for almost 24hours i was pretty desperate to get some sleep in my life so i finally asked for an epidural which let me sleep at least 4hours and my cervix finally dilated a whole whopping 2cm. 2-3 hours later, i was dilated to 4cm, and by noon i was 10cm and 99% effaced and the pressure from nicholas trying to get out was so great that the epidural didn't help much. by the time i was ready to push i had been in the hospital for over 32 hours, kris and i were both cranky and delirious from lack of sleep and poor kris had to put 2 chairs and an ottoman together to even be able to sleep.

before i started pushing...

i started pushing around 1230 and even with my epidural turned off an hour before i started pushing, i didn't feel him coming down or crowning or anything. his head was just big enough to where he couldn't crown and the labor nurse said that i was getting tired and to go ahead and give me an episiotomy. so i watched my dr snip me.. the scissors moving and as soon as she snipped, nicholas came flying out. the doctor put him on my chest and he was so heavy it knocked the wind out of me. didn't help that i was delirious and had low oxygen too.. but i looked at my dr and said he's huge!

when he was first placed on me

they weighed him and my dr and i were both staring at the scale and were both equally stunned that he was outside of the 7lb range as she predicted let alone 8lbs 6oz! i felt so bad because i was so tired and had lost over 1L of blood that i was out of it by the time everything was said and done. the nurse brought nicholas to me and i didn't even have the strength to lift my arms to hold him :( but the nurse held him to me and let him nurse even while i was fainted in the bed. i fainted 5 times over 2 days and spent most of the time in bed eating and drinking constantly so that i'd be able to be strong enough to hold him.

my first time holding nicholas

nicholas was born with a fever since i spiked a fever about an hour or so before i started pushing because my water broke so early on and he was also born with mild jaundice so he was kept in the nursery for the first 2days or so and he was allowed to leave the nursery only for me to nurse him. i was glad to have such an amazing team of nurses take care of me in labor and postpartum but honestly by the 2nd night i was getting super restless and ready to leave the hospital cause i was being checked up on every 20 mins or so and it was so exhausting trying to be nice and pleasant to everyone but i guess i was so nice that someone actually asked me if this was my 2nd baby because i bounced back so fast cause i guess most postpartum women are really cranky??


trying to figure out who was the one in labor lol


getting ready to go home


cuddling with daddy at home :)


3 days old

so my dr's appointment went fairly well. i have to say i left a bit disappointed knowing that the baby's head has dropped so much that my dr doesn't have a problem touching his head anymore during an internal exam but i'm not dilated or effaced at all. and she pretty much said i could be a wk late looking based off of my cervix but she would rather not induce me and let it happen naturally. i am worried that he'll be too big after 40 wks and i'll have an episiotomy which i really don't want so since the weather is clearing up, i want to go for a nice walk everyday and try to move things along. not to mention i really miss kris and i'm not sure if another 1-2wks apart would make it easier. another thing that's really been riding on me is that we won't have a last date together as a couple before parenthood and i'm gonna really miss the alone time we enjoy so much together. so i have a plan all set up in case the baby decides to wait to get induced and brought into the world with drugs. but here i am at 38 wks...

i had my birthday a couple days ago.. mayra and wendy came by my house before i left to san fran and surprised me with an amazing red velvet cake!
i'm also back home at my mom's and got to spend some family time :) now kris just left to go back to base and i'm stuck here waiting for nicholas to make his debut. i hope he comes soon cause i can't take walks up here since it's been pouring and overcast the whole time i've been home so far. i'm just anxious to get him out so i can move back to 29 and fall into a routine. we're about 2 wks out right now but i would have no problem with him coming earlier. i hope my doctor will tell me some good news when i see her tuesday such as 'you're going into labor now!' wouldn't that be exciting? hehe

since my last post, kris came home deployment, we got all moved into our new home on base, and i had a pre term labor scare. everything's wearing me out within minutes... i'm so uncomfortable but i know the end is near! i'm having regular contractions but i'm not dilating at all... which means it's just a waiting game now. kris is excited to be home for all of this but he got sick last wk and hasn't been feeling too hot since. i hope it goes away by friday cause he's driving me back to my mom's since i don't want to deliver in the desert. my bed is too tall for me to crawl in and out of and i get so frustrated doing so... i'm so heavy i can barely get myself out of the tub or the floor.. basically when i'm sitting i can hardly get back up.. super embarrassing! i have a huge wave of fatigue wash over me and i can't even keep my eyes open for more than a few hours now so i really really hope this baby comes soon and i can start a new chapter in our lives!