chinese new year's is in a few days and we've been really busy cleaning and cooking to prepare for the new years. i even got a new haircut and got a mattress for the crib :D things are moving into place and i'm really excited. i like to squish my belly a little bit to feel nicholas kick and to make him kick more lol i'm so terrible but i love it!

well i've been thinking lately and i'd love to go back to work and be the bread winner when kris comes home. i never saw myself as being a housewife or a stay at home mom and i for some reason i feel better when i'm out of the house working. soooo just saying.. i'm looking into it. so i'm gonna start some classes while kris is still away. then also nicholas is 22.5wks now and i got a haircut! nothing special lol same thing but with side bangs. woot woot go bangs! i've been banging away at my keyboard over tetris a lot lately but it's super addictive! i'm also readjusting my sleep schedule so i'm going to be earlier and still sleeping in late lol ... kris just boarded ship on the meu so it's only moto mail for now. lovely right?

21wks this wk and while nicholas isn't kicking me much he's still fidgeting around too much for a good photo op lol



i just popped kris' package in the mail today and hopefully i sent him enough stuff to keep him occupied and amused for a little while :) i got him the peg game, a hand held maze thingy, a bunch of snacks and made him a scrap book of all our letters and photos of us and nicholas' ultrasounds. some little tidbits of home here and here. i've been really cranky lately which is probably from lack of sleep. get my 8 hrs every night but i don't get my mid day nap anymore cause i'm usually out and about so by the time dinner time rolls around i'm ready to kill! kris has got skype on his phone now so he skypes me everyday on his lunch break which is really nice :)

the hospital tour went really well and i'm planning on pre registering for that hospital! it's really nice and cozy and the staff is really nice plus its less than 5mins from my place which is a huge plus. recently my back has been acting up and i hope it goes away cause i fell already once and i can barely use my left leg and it's so sore i can barely bend over. it's really bugging me and i hope it cures itself or i'll be calling my dr first thing tuesday morning due to the MLK holiday. stella's off too so it looks like more sisterly bonding time. yay me? lol i've been dusting and sweeping like nuts and i still don't know what to put into kris' care package for vday. i hope i get him everything he needs.

i am 20wks today so half way down half more to go! i'm all signed up for the hospital tour tonight, i have a carseat safety class down, and a prep for baby class as well as a nursing class. i need to find a birthing class and a lamaze class scheduled in before may. the months are gonna fly by and before i know i'll have both kris and little nicholas in my arms. how exciting is that?!

i finally watched a movie that really engaged me. it was temple grandin. it's based on a true story on an autistic girl who was born and raised in the 70's where autism was barely acknowledged as a disorder. temple would have out bursts but her mother sent her to boarding schools and taught her how to be self sufficient. she went on to college completing her BA, obtaining her masters and her doctorates. she wrote her thesis on why cows moo and the different meanings behind it earning her masters in animal behavior. she then designed a very efficient dip to process cattle, and also designed a more humane and efficient way to herd cattle into the slaughterhouse. she is now a professor at colorado state university, and more than half the slaughterhouses in north america uses the system she designed. it's a truly incredible and inspiring story. it really goes to show how talented and gifted autistic children have - they just need extra guidance and support.

i've got some really good news that makes me want the end of the deployment to come already. i really hope that it happens and comes through. but i need to remember that it's still the military and that nothing is ever 100% guaranteed. if it happens it'll make it all worth it!

i know that it's completely ridiculous for me to miss him this much. it's only been a wk since the last time i saw him a day since i last heard his voice. but i secretly wish my email with pop with an email from him or something. dumb but whatevers. i really really really miss him. i'm still functioning and getting my things done. but he's my hubby after all. a bit of missing is cool right? i didn't think i was capable of missing someone this much. but on days like this i wish my due date was tonight so i can have little nicholas with me and within wks kris'll be home. now wouldn't that be lovely? wake up and bam! deployment KO'd

i never thought i could ever miss someone this much. i'm not sure what it is. maybe it's being confined to the house cause i can't do much anyways if i go out, or if i'm being hormonal. but i'm just gonna cross it all off and say it's cause of kris. he makes me like this. no matter how much i tried to prepare myself for this deployment everytime my phone rings i jump and pick it up right away. my phone is officially glues to my hands 24/7 even though kris thought it was bad before he left - it's only gotten worse. i'm slowly getting used to him being gone and i'm trying to work myself into a routine but so far it's only been the first wk and with all these doctor appts to start up it's not happening yet. but hopefully soon. my mom's trying to give me errands to run and things to do but i find myself daydreaming about the man of my dreams. my sister got me movies and chinese dramas so it's helped for a couple days but i can't be inside all the time. i'm gonna start walking down to the smoothie shop up the road and back if i have to. i need to keep my sanity. anywho, i thought i was all prepared but this tug of love and miss-ness is taking me by surprised since i thought i had it all under control. but i know we can do this.

so in a few hrs kris will be long gone and i can let the wait really begin. as i've told him over and over the anticipation really is the worse part. for him leaving and coming home. the time with him just flew by and i can't wait to have my best friend back. i know that babies have a mind of their own as to when they're ready to debut into the world, but each time i go in to see my DR, they push the date out a day then another. now i'm at june 5th for my due date and i hope our little man stays in as close to as his daddy will come home. everyday we write love letters to each other and i hope that we can look back and see how far we've come. i'm glad i'm keeping a blog and kris is also gonna try to journal on his laptop and in a journal he bought. he promised to journal something special just for baby nicholas for him when he's older to read to see how much his daddy did love him even though he was away. i have an interview lined up for a part time job in fremont tmmrw so i hope it goes well. i'm ready to start getting busy and try to be normal and make time fly til he comes home.

considering that it's the first work day that i'm here, i got a lot done. i got my info changed and transferred and my PCM change took place right away so i even got to have my first appt today too. i did the paperwork for my dentist, my OB who i'm seeing tomorrow, set up the tour of the hospital i'll be delivering at, set up birthing, nursing and car seat safety classes as well as a WIC appointment. The next few wks won't be too busy but i have the torrey pines baby shower to look forward to in san diego and i can't wait! my sister is driving down with me to keep me company but i hope all the hormonal pregnant women won't put her on overload haha.. i'm still feeling pretty bad cause i was super sleep and tired but 2pm yesterday and i yelled at my mom the whole way home cause i was so damn cranky. she won't let me live it down now but at least i'm not yelling. blaaaa... i never knew i needed naps and had to eat so adamantly. i don't mean to be so well.. mean. but gosh, something just comes over me when i get hungry which is all the time or when i'm sleepy which is around 1-2pm. now i've gotta book a room in miramar for my stay there in a few wks and i'm really excited to see what's it all about. i hope it'll be worth the trip and drive there. also, i need to get my sister's court date all figured out tmmrw when i take her to night court to see whats up.

so i'm all settled in up in norcal and i'm still getting used to the idea of kris being away. it hasn't really hit me til today when i really want a hug and i have no one there for one. the big date is coming up soon and since i'm already all moved it doesn't really matter when. i just hope sooner than later so he'll come back sooner but i also want more time to text and talk to him before he leaves. there's never enough time when you're with the one you love. i've got lots to do tmmrw to finish all the address changes with deers and tricare and whatnot. i hope time flies, and let me remind everyone that my husband is the best letter writer ever. baby nicholas is moving a lot but he's not kicking hard enough yet to where i see hands and feet poking out but the flutters are definitely there. i can't wait for time to fly and i can finally have my entire family all together. nicholas' bdays and kris' return date. so much to look forward to.

today's the day... happy new years! we rung in the new years a bit early with drinks from enchada's and lots of mexican food :P everyone ate themselves into a massive food coma but kris was kind enough to wake up 2 hrs later to give me my new year's kiss. it's too early to be up considering i was up half the night but i've gotta get goin to pick my mom up from the airport so she can drive back to the bay area with me. it's a very bittersweet way to start the new year but we've got so much to look forward to, that it's just a very small sacrifice. mcdonald's breakfast platter here i come! their hotcakes are yummy and a glass of oj to wake me up sounds amazing. here's to our son, and for kris to return home safely from deployment soon.